Signs of a Breakthrough

How do you know when you’re on the verge of a breakthrough in life?  One sure sign I’ve experienced it that opposition will hit you hard.   If you’ve had the courage and the wisdom to see a new path in life, to take a risk and dare to envision  a better life for yourself, whether it’s through a new business venture, a new relationship or a new way of thinking,  … expect people and things to come up against you and try to knock you off course.  It may sound pessimistic to think this way, but it’s not.  There are spiritual checks and balances in this world, and this is one I’ve found to be tried and true.

It’s also one that can serve you well if you understand what it is and what how to properly perceive it.  Think about it … how does a pregnant woman know the birth of her child is imminent? …by experiencing labor pains.  She knows that during labor she will experience discomfort, pain and difficulty, but she also knows the end result will be a wonderful new life in the form of a beautiful child.  When we are on the right course spiritually, when we are being guided to fulfill our destiny, to bring about situations in life that will propel us to another level, we will experience spiritual labor pains.  The pains of adversity that come before a breakthrough can make us feel like we are going to be defeated, like we can’t possibly move through the obstacle, but it’s only a test … if we can hold on and know that the contractions will end, we’ll give birth to our beautiful reward.

For example, if you decided to start a new business, to better yourself by furthering your education or to dare to find your dream job that inspires passion within, you can be certain the naysayers will come out of the woodwork in droves.  They may even be people who have been supportive of you in the past, people who you love and respect.  Keep in mind the majority of people in this world  fear change and when they witness others having the courage to actually change, especially those close to them, it brings a sense of discomfort and and insecurity into their world.  The status quo is shaken.  Most people gain a sense of comfort by keeping those around them on a level playing field.  Often times they’ll try to talk you out of your new venture by giving you a myriad of reasons why this new venture will fail and say it under the auspice of being “for your own good” yet only you will know the truth about what feels right for your life.  

Often times, others opinions of what is right for your life are simply projections of what is right for your life in comparison to theirs.  Think about this:  Lucille Ball, arguably one of the greatest comedic talents of the 20^th century and a television pioneer was repeatedly told  “she had no talent” and should consider any other line of work when she first started in the entertainment industry.  Had she listened to the choir of voices telling her the path she should have taken, she would have never walked into her destiny.

Less subtle are the waves of adversity that will hit in terms of obstacles right before your breakthrough: Financial obstacles may suddenly appear, former allies may turn against you without reason, illness may strike your body, and everything may suddenly appear as though what you’ve been trying to do is one large mistake.  This is the time to hang on tightly.  It’s the storm before the rainbow, the night before the day break.  Buckle down and see it for what it is, one last hurrah on the part of the opposition to derail you, to test your confidence, and you’ll soon see yourself walking through the trial, walking through the fear.

Never allow another person to draft the blueprint of your life.  You are the architect and you have the most divine compass within you, your instinct.  If you’ve been experiencing despair and have done everything in life to elevate yourself through prayer, through clean living, through love, through intuitive risk, through creativity and you suddenly find yourself up against a Goliath – rejoice, for it is often a sign that your breakthrough is imminent!

Speak up for your relationship

I recently sat in on a group chat with women discussing their relationships with the men in their lives, and the loss of trust and emotional abuse they were experiencing.  Most of us have experienced a painful love relationship at one point in our lives and hindsight becomes our greatest teacher.  How can we, as women, identify certain pitfalls before we invest ourselves emotionally?  There are many thoughts on the subject, but I’d like to address a few truths that seemed to be in the forefront of my recent conversation:

We teach people how to treat us.  We teach – by what we are willing to accept – people how they may treat us.  If you accept any type of poor behavior (lying, cheating, or any other behavior you deem unacceptable) for the first time in a relationship, that particular behavior will be given a silent stamp-of-approval moving forward in the relationship. For example, if a man you’ve recently starting dating stands you up for a date without any valid explanation or reason, and you continue to date him without fully addressing the issue, you’ve given him an unspoken confirmation that while his lack of respect may have upset you, you’re willing to accept it without consequence.  Many women choose to stay silent and not make an issue of an offensive behavior because they fear losing any aspect of the relationship or the potential for one.  We teach people how to treat us … it’s as simple as that.

Be clear about what you truly want.  A verbal promise of marriage is not that same as the action it takes to marry.  If you choose to cohabitate with your partner it’s fine as long as your cards have been put on the table and it’s a mutually agreed upon arrangement.  Many women erroneously think living together is a natural progression to marriage … it’s not.  It can, in some relationships, lead to marriage but it’s not necessarily a precursor.  Some men are very content living with a woman they may not consider wife material, either legally or emotionally.  It’s a subject women are often afraid to broach, again for fear of losing whatever established relationship exists.  Don’t be.  It’s better to truly understand where you stand, and if where you currently stand is not leading up to where you hope to stand in the future, cut your loss.  Time is a precious commodity once spent, can never be regained.

One woman in the group spoke of her despair over her husband’s relationship with internet pornography.  Internet porn is often not benign and can become a harmful addiction in the same way one experiences substance abuse through drugs, alcohol or prescription pain medication.  What many women (and men) do not understand about internet porn is that it desensitizes one's reaction to sex over time, not enhances it  For example, a person addicted to valium must continue to increase their dosage to experience the same level of reaction to the drug.  It’s the same with internet pornography.  A person engaging with this type of sexual behavior will not be able to experience the same level of gratification they are experiencing at one particular point in time unless they continue to seek more in terms of larger and often diverse quantities. Brain chemistry alters with any behavioral addiction.  Unrealistic, sexualized images of women also contribute to a man’s dissatisfaction with his real flesh-and-blood partner, causing a woman to feel a sting of rejection that wasn’t initially a part of the relationship. If you suspect your partner is addicted to internet pornography, either address the issue or live with the consequences it will impart on your intimate relationship.

We all have a natural desire as human beings to feel loved, to be wanted and to be part of something bigger than ourselves.  It’s when our desire to be part of a couple compromises our core beliefs and values that we’ll be met with heart wrenching frustration.  As Janis Joplin said … “Don’t compromise yourself, you are all you’ve got.”